November
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Treatments for King Donold's Hoof and Mouth Disease ineffective
At his rally yesterday, the king again put his foot in his mouth when speaking about former congressman Liz Cheney, lifelong Republican and daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney, spewing "She's a radical war hawk. Let's put her with a rifle standing there with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? And let's see how she feels about it, you know, when the guns are trained on her face."
Cheney reacted on social media: "This is how dictators destroy free nations. They threaten those who speak against them with death. We cannot entrust our country and our freedom to a petty, vindictive, cruel, unstable man who wants to be a tyrant."
He also continued his attacks on all American women, saying he will protect them whether they want it or not. Apparently, he protects women by sexually assaulting them.
11/01/2024
Space Nazi misses court date, isn't cited for contempt
The Nazi space alien had been ordered to court for his vote buying.
His shysters moved to have the case moved to federal court, and the space alien from Africa has a pocketfull of get out of jail free cards, as well as enough money to pay any fine.
Well, except the fine Russia expects Google to pay. I wonder how much that is in Quatloos?
11/02/2024
King Donold says the polls are rigged
So, obviously, since the king is always right, only fools will vote in American elections, especially in Philidelphia where the king is most adamant that votes are stolen, that voting machines are hacked despite not being on the internet (computers are magic).
Just be sure to show up at the Capitol to riot when the votes are counted, unless the Demoncrats fuck up in their hacking attempts and the king actually wins.
In other election nooze, the bribery case against the Nazi space alien from Africa has been moved back to state court, to the beat of Afrikkkan drums.
11/04/2024
Happy Election Day
Today Americans of all political parties, religions, races, creeds, size, weight, and looks are celebrating wildly.
This is the day political advertisements end! Hooray!
11/05/2024
Old King Donold retains his crown
Ukrainians are crying, Putin is cheering, and Europe is scared shitless.
Woe be to any woman with "female problems," or anyone who sounds foreign. New citizens, we advise you to get speech lessons.
Of course, this nooze isn't exactly news, because we told you last June Trump would win; the time-traveling space alien from the future told us. And he told us in July that "the orange guy" would save the world.
11/06/2024
The king has a price on his head
We now know why there have been two assassination attempts on King Nazi the Elder: Eye Ran is really pissed off at him for having one of their leaders ass assinated.
He would be dead already except the Iranian king figured Old King Don would lose the election and would be easier to kill after he lost.
We at the nooze believe that murder is wrong, unlike the kings of the world.
11/07/2024
Race riot in Amster Damn
After a soccor game, Israelis were attacked by Palestineans... or was it the other bway around?
It depends on what part of the world is telling us their version of what happened.
Satan is gleeful. The events of the last week have had him happier than any time since he took over the Cat Lick church. He's still pissed about the Reformation and Martin Luthier, who invented the Church of the Devine Guitar in 1669.
11/08/2024
It is now legal to sue a cop in Illinois for violating your civil rights
Illinois is the fifth state to end what they euphamistically call "qualified immunity," which basically legalizes police lawlessness.
But don't worry, most cops are safe from being sued by the people whose rights they have trampled. Only in Colorado, New Mexico, now Illinois, and previously the state of New York City. Just the city. And the Federal Information Bureau, the F.I.B., can't be sued for their Orwellian boot on your head, either. Oh, and you have to sue in state court.
Good luck with THAT.
11/12/2024
It ain't just the Cat Licks
The Bishop of Canter berry, the head of the Anglican church, the guy who crowned King Chuck of Grape Brit Ton, has resigned. This has never happened in the history of the church that is older than the United States, with roots in the second century and formally established in the sixteenth.
Seems the evil bishop covered up for a kiddy fiddler, who was never charged for raping over a hundred children and died of natural causes two years ago.
Who was it who said that it is better for a child molester to have a millstone tied to his neck and thrown in the sea than what he will experience in death? I wonder if the rapist is now teamed up with Beezlebub?
11/13/2024
King Donold the Rich busy assembling his cabinet
However, that Ikea junk has shitty construction instructions, and the king can't read, anyway.
So he threw the unfinished cabinet away and hired a bunch of Fascist goons who were born filthy rich, like he was, to "work" for him in the White House, so named because the founding fathers couldn't envision anyone but a White man there. O'Bama sure fooled them, didn't he?
None of the king's new minions and stooges has a clue what it's like to need a job, or to do any of what we normal people who were not born stupidly wealthy call "work." What those office clowns do ain't work, buddy! We gotta move these refrigerators, we gotta move these color TVs! That ain't workin', that's the way you do it. Money for nothin' and your chicks for free!
11/14/2024
The Nooze sued for plagairism
Papers were served this morning. The Nooze is being sued by two Brit Itch songwriters, Marx Noffler and Gordon Winter, better known as Blunt, for plagairizing their song "Monkey for Nuts, Sting".
However, they dropped the suit when they discovered that The Nooze was already close to bankruptcy and they would have to take the damned thing over, and said an "Oops, sorry" was sufficient.
So OOPS! Sorry, I guess...
11/15/2024
Super beavershot!
If you looked at the sky last night, it mooned you and showed you its beaver.
The moon is in perogee right now. What the hell is perogee? Damned if I know but it's supposed to cause it to be a super moon. I'd ask Roger, he's smart, but he's in physical rehap after being hit bt a UAP. The unidentified phenomena was found to be a flying car. We think that space alien from the future has something to do with it.
Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's BEAVER MOON and boy, is she big!
11/16/2024
Some of the king's new stooges:
For HHS (Health and Hunan Sacrifice), the anti-science guy with a dead worm in his brain who eats roadkill and must love polio because he hates vaccines
Secretary of de Fence, in charge of the entire military: former Leutenant in the Natuinal Gourd, and Fox TV guy who wants an all white, all straight, all male, all Nazi military for the new American Reight
For Homeland Suckurity, North Carolina Governor Crispy Gnomes, who sent National Guard troops to Texas to stop the "invasion"
For the Director of National Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard, a Russian spy
He's appointing a real mudder fracker, Doug Burqua, governor of North DickYoda and former oil and gas man
And starring Matted Gates, who quit his job as US Representative to have the report of his proven sex and drug (but no rock and roll) parties with underage girls, who threatened to disband the FBI and DoJ, for head of the Just Us Department.
11/17/2024
It's started already
Not two days after the election was decided, Blacks started getting text messages ordering them to report to the nearest plantation. Sick joke? No, just racial hatred unleashed by the king's election. His most ardent followers. They probably do indeed think it's funny.
A week later the assaults were on anyone with a Hispanic name, saying to report to immigration. American citizens!
Then in Ohio over the weekend, black clad masked men carrying black flags with red swastikas paraded through town.
What's next? Mass deportation of Americans? WWII style California concentration camps they had for Japanese-Americans; citizens, only this time for American Blacks and Hispanics who may have voted for Trump?
11/18/2024
Another cop murders a 911 caller
This past May A sheriff's deputy murdered a military man after being called for a noise complaint.
In July, a woman in the area of the capitol of Illinois called 911 to report a prowler. The sheriff's deputy shot her in the face.
Over the weekend a terrified man in Lost Angels, Californicate called 911 saying he and his wife had locked themselves in the bedroom away from an intruder. He gave an ID; the intruder had a bright red stocking hat, and to please hurry.
When the cops showed up, the intruder had gotten into the bedroom with a big knife that he and the homeowner were struggling over.
The cop shot the homeowner rather than the man with the bright red hat.
Now, this could have simply been incompetence; there's little competence anywhere these days. A bad aim, a horrible, tragic fuckup. But then after the homeowner was on the floor, the cop shot him several more times!
It's now murderous cops from sea to shining sea; Floriduh, Ill'n noisy, Californicate. The cops think that like James Bond, they, too, have a license to murder.
Our nation is in deep shit, but it's illegal to say that on TV.
11/20/2024
Nutty Yahoo and his minion indicted by the UN court for war crimes
Immediately the UN, who gave Israel to the Jews after WWII, was called "antisemetic" by the Jews.
It's like a Black man calling a cop "racist" for arresting him for shooting someone. You'd think they were Americans the way they talk!
11/21/2024
Our apologies for the outage
Our ancient file server quit last week, the day before Roger got out of the hospital.
It seems that the damned thing was full. The boss had no choice but to buy a new file server. He had a hard time believing how cheap it was compared to the router Roger's nephew sold the boss.
11/26/2024
World global warming summit concluding
The folks in Davos, wherever the hell that is, have wound up their talks on global warming. All they talked about, however, was religion.
Their religion is the worship of money.
At these talks' conclusion, the attendees each board their private jets for each of them to emit more CO2 in that one flight home than you will in a lifetime of driving your '56 Chevy.
11/26/2024
Old King Don the Honest to add huge tarriffs on our largest trading partners
That would be Chainuh, MexHIC-ho, and Can'tnada. He said he spoke to the Mexican't president and she said she would seal her side of the border.
"Nuh UH!" she replied on the ex-twitter Nazi site. In Spanish, of course; it's not an exact translation. Jose said Mexico's president is a "puta mala", whatever that means. Roger said he thinks it means "qualified leader" but his Spanish is rusty and he was on acid when he took that class.
The Presidunce-elect says he's tacking huge tarriffs on those ne'er do wells on the first day of office.
Treaties with those can'tries say, roughly translated from their native Brreaucratese, "Nuh UH! We got a deal already, moron, and you can't do anything until 2026. So THERE!" before sticking out its tongue and flipping the bird.
11/28/2024
Happy Black Friday, Plutists!
Today is the holiest day of the year for worshipers of Plutus, the ancient Greek god of wealth, Amerika's most widely practiced religion, the worship of money and material goods. Their holiest shrine is in You Nark Shitty on Wall Street.
So we wish you greedy fuckweeds a happy black Friday.
11/29/2024
King's stooges SWATted, threatened with bombs
MAGATs (Make AmeriKKKa Grate Again Troublemakers) who fully expected Bite'm to win and had planned to SWAT his minions and lie that there were bombs in their offices were sorely disappointed that they would not be able to terrorize Dumocrats.
So they went ahead and SWATed and sent bomb threats against their own lord of darkness' stooges as a false flag operation.
Everyone was fooled.
11/29/2024
December
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