The, uh,


April

Back to March
 
April FOOL joke of the year
There are up to 200,000 people out of work as a result of the cargo ship that destroyed the bridge and closed the shipping lanes. That's no joke. Neither is the billions of dollars to open shipping and rebuild the bridge.
The joke is on YOU, the American taxpayer, who will pay for this massive clusterfuck instead of the company that owned the container ship that caused this disaster. They won't even have to pay to repair the ship, insurance will cover that.
No billionaires will be harmed in the destruction or rebuilding of that bridge and shipping channel. Don't you love American Plutocracy?
04/01/2024
 
Netanyahu murders American Citizen
Bennie NuttyYahoo's April Fool's joke Monday was to tell an aid convoy a highway was safe, then destroy all three of its well marked vehicles, killing the people inside. All were volunteers from all over, including an American and an Australian, both about as far away from Israel as you can get.
"Ooops, my bad," NetanYAHOO chortled giggling, his plans for the Gazan people's extermination and its heritage destroyed, a complete and utter genocide leaving no trace that the people Netanyahu is now starving ever existed.
04/03/2024
 
King Donald Excoriates Nutty Yahoo
King Donald yesterday trash talked his favorite Jew, Nutty Yahoo.
But not for murdering aid workers, including an American. Kings aren't supposed to have human feelings. Rather than being woeful about death and suffering, he worries about Israel's image.
But what can you expect from an ex-reality TV show star? 2028: Kardashians for President!
04/06/2024
 
Giant squirrel eats the sun
According to the indigenous people living in Oklahoma, a giant squirrel ate the sun this morning. They scared it by banging pots and pans, and the squirrel shit the sun back out and ran away.
NASA informs us that the rumor that eating during the eclipse will kill you is bullshit. Your food will not become poison, they say.
I'm not taking any chances. My junk food waited until later.
04/08/2024
 
Arizona Supreme Court Outlaws Abortion
Arizona's Supreme Court gave its Republicans a choice: repeal the Civil War era abortion ban or lose their jobs this coming November. America doesn't like heartless radicals.
The "honest" King Donald claims erroneously that Democrats want abortion legal after birth, which is what the Arizona law dictates. If you get pregnant in Arizona, you must carry the fetus with its critical deformations to birth, where its frail, deformed body with its heart outside its chest will die in excruciating pain maybe twenty minutes after the umbilical cord is cut.
The anti-abortionist crowd says that their Christian faith makes them against abortion, dispite the fact that the Christian Bible nowhere mentions abortion or when life begins, while the Jewish Bible says when you can, cannot, and must abort a fetus.
04/10/2024
 
Texas, where they settle differences the old fashioned way
First, a kid in Dallas brought a gun to school and shot a classmate in the leg. It was feared the lad might die from his injuries, and yes, being shot in the lag or anywhere else can kill you.
Then, a guy who was denied a license from the state's safety office yesterday stole an eighteen wheeler. As the police were in high speed pursuit, he smashed it into that very same safety office, proving that not issuing that license was a pretty good idea.
Texas. Such a wonderful place to raise a family, such nice folks there...
04/12/2024
 
Republicans plan to outlaw alien voters
Today it was reported that King Donald and the Sneaky of the House, Johnson, are planning to outlaw aliens from voting in US elections.
Never mind that it's already illegal for non-citizens to vote.
04/13/2024
 
Here come da judge!
If you remember Rowan and Martin, you're old. So is King Donald, whose trial on 34 felony charges related to faking stuff to stay out of trouble is going on in New York as my worn and tired fingers type this tripe.
He says the trial is a disgrace. I agree, what he has done is incredibly disgraceful.
04/15/2024
 
Homeland Security Secretary Impeached
The House of Reprehensible Republicans sent their impeachment documents to the Senate, despite there being no evenidence or even hint of misdemeanor, let alone felonious action.
Because it's just a political circus brought on by America's stupidest legislators, and there are in fact no felonies of misdemeanors to act on, the trial will be short and uneventful. Unless a congress critter brings a gun...
04/17/2024
 
TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!!
It has been alleged, without facts, that entertainer Taylor Swift has used some of her billions to buy up a large portion of America's news media.
The "proof"? All of the mainstream TV news shows carried more "news" of the entertainer (not a scientist or humanitarian) releasing a record album than the attack on Iran by Israel, the genocide in Gaza, or the floods in the Arabian desert city that was built without drainage.
04/19/2024
 
King Donald's suicide squad attacks
The last surviving member of King Donald's vaunted elite suicide squad attacked the evil deep state (Constitutional Rule of Law) today, outside the court where the King was being tried on racketeering charges.
He set himself on fire. Ouch.
His attack was foiled, as no one died. The squad member was taken to a hospital in critical condition.
04/19/2024
 
House Reprehenpublicans vote against democracy
The Republicans in the House of Reprehensibiles were split 101 to 112 in favor of Russian communism and against democracy yesterday in the House of Reprehinsibles, in the vote to send ammunition to Ukraine in its defense against the Russsian invasion and terror and annoyance. Really, Russia, WTF?
The Demoncrats voted unuanimously in favor of democracy and against communist dictatorship.
Obviously, the Peaker of the Hose, Mikey, would rather go down in herstory as Winston Churchill rather than Neville Chamberlain, a whiney little Brit not unlike King Donald the Grate, last heard whining about the temperature in the courtroom where he is being tried for business fraud.
In other noozes, King Donald's last surviving Royal Suicide Squad member has died of natural causes.
04/21/2024
 
"Unnamed co-conspirator"
King Donald has been named as an unnamed co-conspirator in the case against his friends and partners in crime in Arizona for their "fake electors" scheme.
The trial against his Round Table will have to wait, as he is ordered to be in court for the porn star election fraud charges in New York.
That guy just can't seem to stay out of trouble. Today, his lawyers are arguing at the Supreme Court that since he is king, the sleaze is above the law.
04/25/2024
 
Harvey Weinstien cleared of rape charges
Movie mogul and sex pervert Harvey Weinstien's rape conviction was overturned yesterday on the grounds of, uh, some legal bullshit.
He remains in prison for a completely dfferent rape of a completely different woman.
04/26/2024
 
It's 1968 all over again
Anti-war demonstrators descended on college campuses over the weekend, first at the private colleges like Columbia that only rich, white kids go to, followed by pretty much everyone else who is appalled at Nutty Yahoo's ongoing genocide against Gaza. Of course, like 1968, the demonstrations turned violent whan police attacked the peaceful demonstrators. At UMSL, 29 demonstrators were roughly arrested, then set free because, well, that pesky first amendment...
At least the Missouri State Police didn't shoot and kill anybody, like the Ohio National Guard did way back in those days of peace and love.
Also, the Democratic National Convention will be held in Chicago. Did you learn about that in history class, kids?
04/29/2024
 
May